Needs and Desires
by conventgirlvampire
Summary: A series of 4 drabbles based on Yuuki pairings. R
1. Zero

**Title:** Needs and Desires

**Chapter:** 1

**Rating:** PG-13

**Characters/Pairings:** Yuuki/Zero

**Word Count:** 187

**Spoilers:** None

**Summary:** A series of 4 drabbles based on Yuuki pairings

* * *

**Chapter One**

**Zero**

I don't need you.

I don't need you in my life.

I don't need you around me, inhaling the air I breathe.

I don't need to have you in my circle of friends, the little society I've built up around me.

I just don't need you.

Go away.

Who am I kidding? I don't need you but I want you. I want you like the desert wants rain in a drought, like a kid who likes video games will always want more.

I'm addicted to you and you're an addiction that I can't get rid of. I try not to think of it but then I see something and I fail miserably, like an addict when he sees cocaine.

It's impossible but it's true and I don't know what to say anymore. I want us to be friends, want us to be like we were before but it's not enough to be like that and things have changed. Things have changed and I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is that I don't want to lose you.

Why can't that be enough to it?


	2. Maria

**Title:** Needs and Desires

**Chapter: **2

**Rating:** PG-13

**Characters/Pairings:** Yuuki/Maria

**Word Count:** 232

**Spoilers:** None

**Summary:** A series of 4 drabbles based on Yuuki pairings

* * *

**Chapter Two**

**Maria**

I'm sorry for what goes on in my head.

I'm sorry for what I do in my mind.

I don't need to do those things.

I don't need to think about those things.

I don't need them.

I want them, though, and so I'm sorry but I can't help it. I want you and I want you to want me. It's not enough, the way we are. Your smiling friendship, your kindness and you're offers of help are not enough. I want more than that. I want more than what we have right now.

I hate it, hate the way that I want you when there should be someone else, anyone else who won't cause such pain at night. I see you in my head all the time. You're there when I go to sleep at night and when I wake up in the morning, hurting me, tearing my soul apart.

I don't know why but I want you and yet I don't want you to know what I'm thinking. I don't want you to know all the thoughts that make me uncomfortable when we touch because of what they are. I don't want you to know what I dream when I dream of you and yet I can't stop.

Isn't that weird? You're my addiction and you're not good for me but I can't help it. I'm helpless, am I not?


	3. Kaname

**Title:** Needs and Desires

**Chapter:** 3

**Rating:** PG-13

**Characters/Pairings:** Yuuki/Kaname

**Word Count:** 251

**Spoilers:** None

**Summary:** A series of 4 drabbles based on Yuuki pairings.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**Kaname**

I can't live without you.

I don't need you to live.

I just can't live without you.

I think I would be unable to move on if you were to leave me.

I don't want that to happen, the not being able to live my life without you. I want to be free of your spider's web, your poisonous influence that eats away at me everyday. Not that you are poisonous. Only your influence over me is fatal, not you.

I hate you, you know that? I hate your smile and your laughter and the way you make me feel when we touch. I hate the way you have with people, the way in which you treat them and I hate how you get away with treating them, with treating me.

I love you. You can tell that right? I love the way you always smile when you're happy, the way you pretend that everything's fine even when it's obvious that something's bothering you.

Pretend? Yes, you pretend. Even now you're able to pretend that everything's alright even though I can't. You break down my defences like that, make me weak and subservient. I love the way that I want these to be like that just for you, even when I won't give in to anyone else.

I love the way you love me and I hate that I want you like I want you. If only you knew what I really wanted, would you still be there by my side?


	4. Aidou

**Title:** Needs and Desires

**Chapter:** 4

**Rating:** PG-13

**Characters/Pairings:** Yuuki/Aidou

**Word Count:** 242

**Spoilers:** None

**Summary:** A series of 4 drabbles based on Yuuki pairings.

* * *

**Chapter Four**

**Aidou**

I watch you from a distance.

I watch you as if through a veil.

I watch and I hate.

I watch and I feel scared.

I watch and I want.

You're amazing, with you're cheerfulness and your devotion. Even if you don't want it you're there, like a shadow or a dream that I just can't forget. You're like a feeling that I can't shake and I'm not sure I want to.

It's not fair that you get to be like that when I have to think what I think, when I have to feel what I feel. There are things that you'll never know, things that you can guess at but won't ever really know unless I tell you.

I want to tell you but I can't. We're the same and yet so different and it's the differences that matter now, not the similarities. They're the reason I hold back, the reason I accept this tense relationship when I should not.

We're not meant to be more than this, are we? We're not meant to be more than we already are but I don't think I can go on like that.

I have to find a way to live without these desires, to live with only what I need. I want you but do I need you.

No, I don't, but I'd rather have your friendship than nothing. Is that too much to really ask for? Too little to settle for?


End file.
